Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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