This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
