Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize