Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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