Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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