I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
