pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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