can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
