We're facebook friends in real life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
