I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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