"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
