I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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