I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
