I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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