so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My cat gives me a boner
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
