It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
