Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
