Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I could fuck to npr.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
