it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
50% drunk capacity currently
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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