she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My life is pants optional.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
