lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
