i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
