The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
