i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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