Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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