she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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