chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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