I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
