i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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