Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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