So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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