I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
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Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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