I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
