I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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