I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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