She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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