Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
