You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
