good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
