Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize