you guys were way drunker than both of me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
