So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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