just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
