Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
