i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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