she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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