I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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