This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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