I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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