I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
