she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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