he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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