so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
