and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
