So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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