I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
