mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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