sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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