Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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