I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
