I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There r osticjed everywhere
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
