All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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