Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
