Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He shit in the fireplace
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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