yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
