You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Randomize
