Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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