I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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