People in love make me want to vomit
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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